you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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