I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
