Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
