Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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