her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
