Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
