god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
