I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
