Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
