why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize