why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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