the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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