I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
