No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
