Pappa wants mamma naked
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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