I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
