3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
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I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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