Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
