In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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