so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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