are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
