You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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