dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
