I wish I could teleport
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
