i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
