I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You're like the curious george of whores
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh god it's open bar.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
