so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
