The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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