you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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