sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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