I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bring me that man meat
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
