found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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