You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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