I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
