I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
