My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
