Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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