i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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