we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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