he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
