omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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