Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
