I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
