I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
