FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
