VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
