and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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