Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
