Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
