i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
