it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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