u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
