Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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