I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
