"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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