FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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