In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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