I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
