I love black thongs
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
