Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
