Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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