woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
