so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
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I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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